Friday, June 13, 2014

Thoughts on Pregnancy

In Genesis 3:16 we read this gem, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children...". I spent much of my 9 months of sorrow angry with Eve. I was certain that her decision to eat that apple was a direct result of my misery.

Sorrow is defined as a sadness or grief. This word doesn't begin to touch pregnancy for me. I experience agony and pain, deep despair at the longevity of what I must endure, and the seemingly endless road ahead. It's close to a feeling of tourture for me really.

Early on, I felt the utter loss of my stength and ability to endure. I kneeled to pray one night and just sobbed. Pleading with all I had for strength to come from somewhere, anywhere. I knew I, alone, had nothing else to muster. I flopped back into bed and dozed off for what seemed like minutes, but was really hours. I awoke suddenly and felt a nearly palpable push to email all my girlfriends, sisters and family and tell them of my needs and to ask them to pray for me. I sat and contemplated what this really meant. It meant I had to admit to all these amazing women I knew and loved, of my weakness and lack of strength and what a baby I really am. Not really what I wanted to do. I tried to talk myself out of it-listing all the reasons why no one would care about this and how through some other unknown avenue I would get through the next 6 months. I lost that battle and succomed to the prompting. I emailed the following:

A Little Help From My Friends
Hello ladies! I have thought of a dozen ways to word this email, but nothing sounds right so i'm just going to get right to it :). I'm in need of your help.
As you know we are expecting and while it's a very special and happy time, it's also been quite a struggle for me lately. My physical ailments are mounting as they tend to do with pregnancy and as much as I hate to admit it they are taking a toll on me mentally as well. The past 5 days it is all I have to get out of bed. Every minute awake I am utilizing all I have to just be present. Not to carry out my responsibilities-just to show up. Every day is a struggle. I feel very unequal to the task before me of bearing these burdens and enduring what the next months have in store for me. The journey seems long and I feel too weak to endure it. I need help!
So as difficult as this is to admit to all of you I know it will serve a great purpose. I believe there is great power in prayer. Prayer has worked miracles in the lives of many and I have faith it can do so in mine. So I ask each of you; my sisters, my friends to pray for me. Pray that I will be strengthened during this time of great challenge...that I will have the courage to face each day with hope...that I will be able to seek help when I need it. That is truly all I need right now-your faith and prayers. Can you please do this for me?
I love each of you! Thank you for being someone I can confide in, someone I can be real to. Thank you in advance for your prayers on my behalf.
Lots of love,

Once sent, I felt a relief-like my lifeboat was coming. Help was on the way!In the days that followed all my sweet friends and family sent emails of love, encouragement and support. Not only did I feel loved, but slowly and surely that strength came. Through prayer and love, I was lifted and made equal to the task before me. Definitley one of the many miracles I have been blessed to experience in this life.

My pregnancy went on and it was rough! Morning sickness, diabetes, headaches, hemmeroids along with several hemmeroid sugeries, pain hand over fist. One night (admittly toward the end) I reacalled that Eve's decision to eat the fruit was based on the fact that we needed to pass through sorrow that we can know joy. There is nothing more joyful than holding your sweet newborn baby. A joy I am blessed to experience and a joy I really do relish. So I'll forgive Eve and instead thank her for her courage to do the hard, but neccesary thing, so that I can endure the sorrow and also adore the joy.

About Me

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Paul and I have been married 10 years. We have two beautiful little girls, Kylee and Aubrey. We are blessed with a great family and amazing friends. Life is good!